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What If This Was Your Last Show?

What If This Was Your Last Show?

 

One question that changes everything

In my last episode, I mentioned my injury history and how I was still able to learn and progress while I was laid up.
 
 

This episode is about the most important lesson I learned.
 

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Or Read the Transcript

This was professionally transcribed, but it probably still has some errors. If you catch any, drop me a line at info@bellydancegeek.com. I’d love to hear from you!

In my last episode, I mentioned my injury history and how I was still able to progress as a dancer while I was down for the count. But I want to share one of the more important lessons that I learned today. First, let me tell you a little bit about that history. I wasn’t out of the game for a couple of weeks or even a couple of months. I was laid up on and off with multiple injuries over eight years. Some of them were dance injuries and some were just silly household accidents. Luckily, I was still able to teach, either by adjusting what I was doing or how I taught or using a more advanced student as a demo body.

But I wasn’t able to perform very much. So I went from gigging on a regular basis to doing just a handful of shows in between injuries. That was a really big blow. I kept asking myself, are you really a dancer if you’re not dancing? I put so much pressure on myself that when I finally got back, I was terrified. I felt like I was years behind the other dancers of my generation and in some ways that was true. There are some things that you only learn and develop on the dance floor. But I also learned a lot and grew a lot in the meantime. I was freaked out because my body had changed and I was afraid that my venues wouldn’t be okay with my current look.

I was also afraid of being seen as unreliable. If I jump back in and then had to drop out again due to another injury, would I ever be asked back? I was so afraid of showing up as anything less than perfect that I waited a longer than I needed to to get back in. I lost out on a lot of opportunities and a lot of learning because of it. In particular, at my favorite venue, I was so terrified that I wouldn’t be asked back that I waited to tackle that one until last and I didn’t feel like that was a good choice in hindsight.

So looking back, I realized that that wasn’t really realistic. I knew how to dance. I knew how to give a good show. But in my mind, the stakes were so high because one of the things that I learned during my downtime is what I really want out of the dance and that is the experience of performing with live music. Now, we’re pretty lucky that in Boston we have a lot of opportunities. But those are dwindling every year. Restaurants close. Fewer nights offer entertainment. So going back to my favorite venue, there was some chance that that could be my last show, at least in that context and with that band.

My first instinct was to stress out and try to make everything as perfect as it could be but inside, I said, “Screw it. I’m going to stop trying to be good and just enjoy the show, because if it’s my last one, I don’t want to be remembered as being great. I want to remember a great experience.”

So I did. It was a fantastic show. Just letting go of all of that stress and trusting all of the work that I’d done in the past allowed me to access joy and interaction and artistry in a way that’s stressing about the details didn’t.

So since then, I try to always dance as if this show was my last. As a perfectionist, it’s really tough not to fall back on my shoulds. But even when I’m not living that to 100%, it still makes a difference. I enjoy the show a lot more and my dancing is a whole lot better and I think that that would be true for you too because we’re better dancers when we dance from love and not from our shoulds but that’s easier said than done. So how do we do it?

Well, the first step is easy. You just have to make the decision but it’s also not that simple. It takes reflection and self discipline to not fall back into all of your shoulds and judging yourself and being afraid of being anything less than perfect.

But here are some tips.

Ask yourself what you enjoy the most about dancing and be honest. For me, it’s the experience of live music but for you it might be something like a together time that you have with your troupe mates. Then cherish the performance opportunities that you really love. Seek out the ones that have those qualities. But don’t feel like you have to do every one. It’s okay to turn down a gig if it’s not what you want or if you’re tired and burnt out.

Choose music that you’re most excited about. It is important to consider the audience but within that ballpark, your taste wins. Do learn, grow and experiment but don’t feel like you have to be all things to all people and master every skill.

Above all, don’t try to be impressive. This is my Achilles’ heel especially when I’m teaching at a festival and performing in a show. If you have impressive options, use them, but only when they tickle you, only when they make you excited to dance or put a smile on your face. Remember, the point is to make the audience feel something, not to make them impressed with you.

One way that you can help that happen is to set your intention before you go on. Some people have a mantra. A good one that I’ve heard is I’m here to bless, not impress. Or just think of it as a decision. If this is my last show, I’m going to make it count, because any show could be your last.

I hope you have a long and happy dance life. But you never know when an accident, where a venue closure will close that door. When you look back, you’re not going to remember how impressed people were with you. You’re going to remember their smiling faces and that magic feeling when you and the music and the audience all melt together and there’s nothing left but the moment. I have that.

I danced at my favorite venue recently and that was the first time that I really lived that principle 100% and truly danced like it was my last show ever. It was magic. I got on a plane the next day and we had a pretty bumpy landing. But instead of feeling afraid, I just felt content. I thought, if that was my last show, that was a pretty good way to go out.

I want to have that in every show and I want you to have that too.

So next time you perform, just give it a try. Imagine that it’s the last show you’ll ever do, your farewell performance and dance your heart out.

 

Your Turn

Do you struggle with your “shoulds”? If so, what are yours?

Have you ever allowed yourself to dance with total abandon? How did it go?

I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below, or better yet, leave me a short voice message. Maybe I’ll even play it on the air!

 

Want More?

Letting go of your “shoulds” can be a tough process. If you want help identifying what you really value as a dancer, check out Personal Style Snafus.

Check It Out 

 
 

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