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The Practice Tantrum

The Practice Tantrum

 

How to keep your inner toddler from derailing your practice

If you’ve ever tried to make practice a consistent part of your life, you’ve probably had a practice tantrum.
 
 

You know you should practice.

You know you want to practice.

But when it comes time to do it, you just want to stomp your feet and yell “I don’t wanna!” like a cranky toddler.

It can feel so intense and so unpleasant that you just avoid practicing all together.

So how can you practice anyway?
 

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This was professionally transcribed, but it probably still has some errors. If you catch any, drop me a line at info@bellydancegeek.com. I’d love to hear from you!

If you’ve ever tried to make practice a consistent part of your life, you’ve probably felt the practice tantrum. You know you should practice. You know you want to practice, but when it comes time to do it, you just want to stomp your feet and yell “I don’t want to!” like a cranky toddler. It can feel so intense and so unpleasant that you just avoid practicing all together.

Why does this happen? I think a lot of it is because adults overestimate ourselves and underestimate how hard it is to be consistent. We think, “I’m a grownup, I should just be able to do this.” But the thing is, is that willpower is a finite resource. It’s great for one time difficult things, but things that require consistency deplete that resource over and over again. No matter how important something is to you, showing up is just hard. When it comes to practice, showing up is the hardest part of all. How can we make it easier?

I have a trick that I use, which I call ‘The hilariously low minimum standard for success’. You probably have a practice target. Let’s say you want to practice for 30 minutes or an hour or even more. Great. Go ahead and aim for that, but it’s also important to set a minimum. Choose a minimum amount that’s so small you just have to laugh at it and then give yourself unconditional permission to quit after you do that amount.

My own hilarious minimum is five minutes. If I want to quit after five minutes of practice, I can. As long as I show up on schedule and do just those five minutes, I have succeeded for the day and I can move on with a clear conscience, and it works. I am much, much, much more likely to practice when I trust in my hilariously low minimum.

Why would this work? There are two reasons I think. One is the idea of a latent self mockery. This is something that I’m stealing from a guy named Ryan Heart Engles at everydaysystems.com. He has a workout program called ‘Shovel Glove’, and he recommends doing it for 14 minutes at a time. The reason he picks 14 minutes is that it’s what he calls a ‘Schedulistically insignificant amount of time’, i.e. it’s smaller than the smallest amount you can block out on a calendar.

I choose a lower number, 5 minutes, because when I was trying to establish my practice habit, even 14 minutes felt overwhelming. Regardless of whatever number that you feel is insignificant, anybody can do it. Anybody can squeeze in five minutes. When your inner toddler says, “I can’t do this”, it’s obvious that that’s not true. You can laugh at yourself to diffuse that situation, but more importantly, setting a hilariously low minimum makes it safe to show up.

When your inner toddler is screaming “I don’t want to”, doing any kind of substantial or even moderate practice feels impossible, but with the hilariously low minimum, you can focus on that glorious moment when you’re allowed to quit and feel how close that moment is. That’s what makes starting suddenly feel possible, but the thing is, is that this only works if you give yourself unconditional permission to quit. Don’t lie to yourself about your minimum. You have to mean it, or it doesn’t work.

Your first response is probably going to be “I can’t quit after five minutes. I need to dance for an hour.” The thing is, most of the time, momentum will kick in and you’ll end up doing much more than just that minimum, but even if you don’t, those five minutes can add up to substantial practice over time, but most importantly, showing up today makes it much more likely that you’ll show up tomorrow and the day after that and next month and next year. What will help you grow as a dancer is not how much time you log today, but how much practice you accrue over months and years. Consistency is a lot more important than the amount. It’s much more important to protect your practice for the long term than to get in a good practice today.

If you want to achieve big things, set the bar low. Set it really low. Set it hilariously low. Decide what your minimum is, maybe it’s five minutes like me, or maybe, like some of my clients in How to Build a Sustainable Practice Habit, five minutes is too much. Maybe you want to do just two. Then give yourself unconditional permission to quit after that time, because practice tantrums are going to happen. Your inner toddler never grows up, but you don’t have to let it dictate your practice.

If you have practice on the brain like I do, check out some of my other resources at bellydancegeek.com. The best way to find those is to type in the word ‘Practice’ in the search box on the right.

 

Your Turn

Do you experience practice tantrums?

What does your inner toddler do or say to keep you from practicing?

What steps have you tried to overcome that, and did they help?

I would love to hear from you.

Leave a comment below, or better yet, leave me a short voice message. Maybe I’ll even play it on the air!

 

Want More?

Check out:
My other articles on practice

How to Build a Sustainable Practice Habit
 
 

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